At one point (Hell, at many points) in your life, you've asked yourself, "What will I be like in ten years from now?" I'm scared shitless thinking about what's going to happen in my life, but I'm also very excited to find out. I feel like being in school is a safety blanket that coats me from the harsh realities of the real world sometimes. It scares me to think that in just three years I'll have to dive head first into the "real world" and try to make a living out of something that I love doing. Something with no guarantee of monetary success, might I add, but that's okay because I'd rather be poor and happy than rich and unhappy. Money really can't buy happiness- only temporary fulfillment.
I don't know what kind of situations I'll be thrown into or where the path I choose is going to lead me. I guess no one ever really does and that uncertainty is what causes waves of trepidation to wash over me when I think about the future. It's only natural to want to know that you're going to be taken care of, but I don't necessarily have that security. Knowing this, however, alters the way I work. Working hard is the only sufficient way to work when you know your stomach depends on it. That's something I realized this summer. I slacked off in school for most of my life because I always had everything taken care of for me. Unfortunately, my parents and family aren't going to be there when I have to fend for myself. I'm not going to have my rent handed to me on a silver platter every month. I'm glad about that, though, because it would be more unfortunate, still, if I didn't learn the lesson that independence has to offer. Ignorance is bliss, I know, but I'd rather be learned and miserable than naive and happy. Of course it would be "easier" to be happy and unaware, but where will that get you? Really, you're subconsciously creating a mental barrier that you'll never be able to get passed. I know that there isn't a direct correlation between your intelligence and whether or not you have to work to survive, but it's not really a question of your intelligence. Simply put, having to fend for yourself completely alters your disposition on life and ultimately changes the way you perceive everything around you.
If I want to go far in this career, I have to learn what my capabilities are and constantly test my limits. I have to make it my goal to soak up as much experience from every situation I encounter. This is why I'm so angry that I never took school seriously. So many terrible habitual patterns have manifested themselves in my work method that I'm currently, and slowly, breaking. Procrastination is a prime example of a bad habit that won't get me anywhere. I've worked very hard this year on eliminating this trait and while it has been a struggle, I do believe I am succeeding.
I have an odd feeling that no matter what I do, I'm going to do well at it. I hate thinking that, though, because it's incredibly stupid. What I'm doing, essentially, is giving myself a reason to cop-out of working hard. Because I FEEL like I'm going to do well, what's the point in trying? It'll just happen! It's not based off of anything real. I seem to assume that my boyish charm will allow me to float on in the world, but that's not what I want. I don't want to float on by, I want to excel. If this year has taught me anything, it's that I now know I'm ready to live up to my potential and make it a reality. I was always the underdog who surprised people when I tried, but I barely tried. I'm passed that now because I realize that I'd rather be seen as the guy who consistently pumps out good work.
So, as I sit here contemplating what the future holds in store, I also try to tell myself not to take the here and the now for granted so that I can be ready for whatever life throws at me. If I put a bit of myself into everything I do, I don't think I can go wrong.
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